Everyday Thoughts for Your
Everyday Life.
The Challenge Continues…
September 7th, 2010 by stephanie
Ok. So, has anyone commented on how polite, or kind or “civil” you’ve been of late? We’re glad you’re back. If you’re joining us for the first time, we are continuing our George Washington Challenge. This week we begin with rules 40-49 of the Rules of Civility. You know the drill. Pick one. Work on it this week. And impress your world!
40th Strive not with your Superiors in argument, but always Submit your Judgment to others with Modesty.
41st Undertake not to Teach your equal in the art himself Professes; it Savours of arrogance.
42nd Let thy ceremonies in Courtesy be proper to the Dignity of his place with whom thou converses for it is absurd to act the same with a Clown and a Prince.
43rd Do not express Joy before one sick or in pain for that contrary Passion will aggravate his Misery.
44th When a man does all he can though it Succeeds not well blame not him that did it. [When a person does their best and fails, do not criticize him.]
45th Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in public or in Private; presently, or at Some other time in what terms to do it & in reproving Show no Sign of Cholar but do it with all Sweetness and Mildness. [When you must give advice or criticism, consider the timing, whether it should be given in public or private, the manner and above all be gentle.]
46th Take all Admonitions thankfully in what Time or Place Soever given but afterwards not being culpable take a Time & Place convenient to let him him know it that gave them. [If you are corrected, take it without argument. If you were wrongly judged, correct it later.]
47th Mock not nor Jest at any thing of Importance break [n]o Jest that are Sharp Biting and if you Deliver any thing witty and Pleasant abstain from Laughing thereat yourself.
[Do not make fun of anything important to others.]
48th Wherein you reprove Another be unblameable yourself; for example is more prevalent than Precepts. [If you criticize someone else of something, make sure you are not guilty of it yourself. Actions speak louder than words. ]
49th Use no Reproachful Language against any one neither Curse nor Revile.
Proud of you! Hang in there…it will be fun to see just how polite and kind and thoughtful we become during this process together.
Just my thoughts.
S.
Fly Like an Eagle…
September 3rd, 2010 by stephanie
Remember that song? I am singing it as I write: Fly like an eagle, to the sea. Fly like an eagle let my spirit carry me…and so on. I’m showing my age by typing those lyrics, but it reminded me of the saying that calls us to soar with the eagles and not play with the turkeys. A friend sent me this story that I am sharing with you below. You’ve most likely already seen it yourself, but I thought it would be a great reminder as we go into our weekend. Something to really ponder, and too, to put a smile on your face. Enjoy!
—————————–
Harvey Mackay tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point. He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey. He handed my friend a laminated card and said: ‘I’m Wally, your driver While I’m loading your bags in the trunk I’d like you to read my mission statement.’
Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said: Wally’s Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment…This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside — Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, ‘Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.’ My friend said jokingly, ‘No, I’d prefer a soft drink.’ Wally smiled and said, ‘No problem I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice..’ Almost stuttering, Harvey said, ‘I’ll take a Diet Coke.’ Handing him his drink, Wally said, ‘If you’d like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.’
As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card, These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you’d like to listen to the radio.’ And as if that weren’t enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he’d be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.
‘Tell me, Wally,’ my amazed friend asked the driver, ‘have you always served customers like this?’ Wally smiled into the rear view mirror ‘No, not always.. In fact, it’s only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day. He had just written a book called You’ll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you’ll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, ‘Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don’t be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd..’
‘That hit me right between the eyes,’ said Wally. ‘Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.’
‘I take it that has paid off for you,’ Harvey said. ‘It sure has,’ Wally replied. ‘My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I’ll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don’t sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can’t pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.’
Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I’ve probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn’t do any of what I was suggesting. Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like a duck and started soaring like an eagle.
Fly like an eagle…what does that look like in your world?
Just my thoughts.
S.
Do the Rules Apply?
August 30th, 2010 by stephanie
Ok, so you’re not off the hook yet. If you’ve been with us, we are working through George Washington’s 110 Rules of Civility. Now, the goal is, pick one, and work on it for the next few days. Think about it: this exercise in bettering ourselves can’t do us anything but a bit of good. I hope you are enjoying this adventure. I know that I am. We are on 31-39!
Cheers!
31st If any one far Surpasses others, either in age, Estate, or Merit yet would give Place to a meaner than himself in his own lodging or elsewhere the one ought not to except it, So he on the other part should not use much earnestness nor offer it above once or twice.
32nd To one that is your equal, or not much inferior you are to give the chief Place in your Lodging and he to who ‘is offered ought at the first to refuse it but at the Second to accept though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness.
33rd They that are in Dignity or in office have in all places Precedency but whilst they are Young they ought to respect those that are their equals in Birth or other Qualities, though they have no Public charge.
34th It is good Manners to prefer them to whom we Speak before ourselves especially if they be above us with whom in no Sort we ought to begin.
35th Let your Discourse with Men of Business be Short and Comprehensive. [When you speak, be concise].
36th Artificers & Persons of low Degree ought not to use many ceremonies to Lords, or Others of high Degree but Respect and highly Honor them, and those of high Degree ought to treat them with affability & Courtesy, without Arrogance.
37th In speaking to men of Quality do not lean nor Look them full in the Face, nor approach too near them at lest Keep a full Pace from them.
38th In visiting the Sick, do not Presently play the Physician if you be not Knowing therein.
39th In writing or Speaking, give to every Person his due Title According to his Degree & the Custom of the Place.
I know. It’s even an exercise in vocabulary! But think how smart and civil we will all be by 110.
Just my thoughts.
Yours?
S.
The Challenge Continues: Rules 21-30
August 24th, 2010 by stephanie
Ok. So be honest. How are you doing? Have you picked one “rule” each new blog to work on for those days? Well, if you haven’t there’s still time. Take a look at this next grouping. Remember: There are 110!!!
Pick one. And work on it for the next couple of days. Then come back, and pick a new one! Go get ‘em!
| 21st | Reproach none for the Infirmities of Nature, nor Delight to Put them that have in mind thereof. | ||
| 22nd | Show not yourself glad at the Misfortune of another though he were your enemy. | ||
| 23rd | When you see a Crime punished, you may be inwardly Pleased; but always show Pity to the Suffering Offender. | ||
| Don’t draw attention to yourself. | 24th | Do not laugh too loud or too much at any Public Spectacle. | |
| 25th | Superfluous Complements and all Affectation of Ceremony are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected. | ||
| 26th | In Pulling off your Hat to Persons of Distinction, as Noblemen, Justices, Churchmen &c make a Reverence, bowing more or less according to the Custom of the Better Bred, and Quality of the Person. Amongst your equals expect not always that they Should begin with you first, but to Pull off the Hat when there is no need is Affectation, in the Manner of Saluting and resaluting in words keep to the most usual Custom. | ||
| 27th | Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered as well as not to do it to whom it’s due Likewise he that makes too much haste to Put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to Put it on at the first, or at most the Second time of being asked; now what is herein Spoken, of Qualification in behavior in Saluting, ought also to be observed in taking of Place, and Sitting down for ceremonies without Bounds is troublesome. | ||
| 28th | If any one come to Speak to you while you are are Sitting Stand up though he be your Inferior, and when you Present Seats let it be to every one according to his Degree. | ||
| 29th | When you meet with one of Greater Quality than yourself, Stop, and retire especially if it be at a Door or any Straight place to give way for him to Pass. | ||
| 30th | In walking the highest Place in most Countries Seems to be on the right hand therefore Place yourself on the left of him whom you desire to Honor: but if three walk together the middest Place is the most Honorable the wall is usually given to the most worthy if two walk together. |
Geo. Washington’s Rules of Civility: 11-20
August 15th, 2010 by stephanie
Our series continues. For today…here are rules 11-20. Which one will you work on this week? :)
11th Shift not yourself in the Sight of others nor Gnaw your nails.
12th Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs rowl not the Eys lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by approaching too near him when you Speak.
13th Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice ticks &c in the Sight of Others, if you See any filth or thick Spittle put your foot Dexteriously upon it if it be upon the Cloths of your Companions, Put it off privately, and if it be upon your own Cloths return Thanks to him who puts it off.
14th Turn not your Back to others especially in Speaking, Jog not the Table or Desk on which Another reads or writes, lean not upon any one.
15th Keep your Nails clean and Short, also your Hands and Teeth Clean yet without Shewing any great Concern for them.
16th Do not Puff up the Cheeks, Loll not out the tongue rub the Hands, or beard, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the Lips too open or too Close.
17th Be no Flatterer, neither Play with any that delights not to be Play’d Withal.
18th Read no Letters, Books, or Papers in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave: come not near the Books or Writings of Another so as to read them unless desired or give your opinion of them unask’d also look not nigh when another is writing a Letter.
19th let your Countenance be pleasant but in Serious Matters Somewhat grave.
20th The Gestures of the Body must be Suited to the discourse you are upon.
Ok. So, Just How Civil Are You?
August 12th, 2010 by stephanie
It was the cutest, thin, red book. I loved it. But I can’t find it anywhere. Doesn’t that just get you when that happens. This little gem was something truly valued. Yet, now, nowhere to be found. And just what was that special gem you ask? It was my very own personal copy of what has become known as Washington’s 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation.
Now, granted, he didn’t invent these. But how many 16 years-olds do you know that actually take the time to copy by hand this type of information, carry it around, and practice the advice? Sadly, I doubt there are many.
Some of you may have forgotten that these rules were actually composed by French Jesuits in 1595. And others of you may be witnessing them for the very first time. With that, let’s begin our next venture: to take a gander at all of them over the next few weeks. Here’s your first grouping. See if you can’t work on one, or two, or…
The Rules:
1st Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present. [Treat everyone with respect.]
2nd When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usually Discovered.
[Be considerate of others. Do not embarrass others.]
3rd Show Nothing to your Friend that may affright him.
4th In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet.
5th If You Cough, Sneeze, Sigh, or Yawn, do it not Loud but Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put Your handkerchief or Hand before your face and turn aside.
6th Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.
7th Put not off your Cloths in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Dressed.
8th At Play and at Fire its Good manners to Give Place to the last Commer, and affect not to Speak Louder than Ordinary.
9th Spit not in the Fire, nor Stoop low before it neither Put your Hands into the Flames to warm them, nor Set your Feet upon the Fire especially if there be meat before it.
10th When you Sit down, Keep your Feet firm and Even, without putting one on the other or Crossing them.
Come back soon. Our series continues! And who knows, we all might be a bit more civil by the time we’ve finished!
Just my thoughts.
S.
Washington’s Civility and Franklin’s Virtues.
August 6th, 2010 by stephanie
Ok, so most of us have heard about or are perhaps familiar with Washington’s 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation. Based on a set of rules composed by French Jesuits in 1595, the young George copied them by hand at the age of 16.
But how many of you were aware of the 13 Virtues that Franklin had penned at the tender age of 20 (in 1726)? You may recall them. If not, I list them here:
1. “TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.”
2. “SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.”
3. “ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.”
4. “RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.”
5. “FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.”
6. “INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.”
7. “SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.”
8. “JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.”
9. “MODERATION. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.”
10. “CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.”
11. “TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.”
12. “CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.”
13. “HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.”
With that, think of the VIRTUE you might practice today. Maybe pick one a day? If anything, it will be an exercise in bettering yourself. If only even for today.
Just my thoughts. Yours?
S.
Icebreakers. Part II.
July 29th, 2010 by stephanie
So, here we are. And I am back with PART II of this week’s ICEBREAKER series. Hope you enjoyed our first installment. (Scroll down below.) Here is round 2 just for you.
11. I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.– Will Rogers
12. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free!– P.J. O’Rourke
13. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.– Voltaire (1764)
14. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you! – Pericles (430 B.C.)
15. No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. – Mark Twain (1866)
16. Talk is cheap…except when Congress does it. – Anonymous
17. The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. – Ronald Reagan
18. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. – Winston Churchill
19. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. – Mark Twain
20. There is no distinctly native American criminal class…save Congress. – Mark Twain
Just their thoughts…yours?
S.
The 24-Hour Challenge. Up for it?
July 20th, 2010 by stephanie
As the yoga instructor guided us through our final relaxation exercise, she wrapped up the session with the following challenge, “Try this. For the next 24 hours see if you can only think and speak positive.” Funny. I had done yoga for about 3 years, and I can’t say I remember that kind of homework before.
My brain froze for a moment and focused on the discipline it would take should I be willing to embrace and attempt the task. “Gosh,” I thought, “Is that even possible?” But I thought it was worth the attempt.
My mind wandered off to a verse in the Bible. It’s found in Colossians 4:6 and it goes like this: Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. It’s something I have strived for since I was a teen-ager. But it truth be told? I usually fall short.
Here’s another one to ponder: The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart. Lk. 6:45.
And if you like ancient Proverbs, this one usually does the trick: Prov. 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
As the instructor brought us back to her world with the “Ok…it’s time to go, folks.” I rolled up my mat and picked up the routine I’d left off at the door. My first stop that night was to pick up a prescription. When I got to the counter I was informed that they had put it back in stock. Apparently, I had not come for it soon enough, and so it was returned. To top that off, the prescription, I learned, had now expired. I was duly informed that I would not be receiving any of my meds anytime soon. Great.
I am pleased to report I kept my cool. I mean hey, it was my fault after all. I ordered the stuff then forgot to go and get it. Not their error. Lesson learned.
I slept 8 of those 24 hours. But I can honestly say that happy thoughts and words filled the other 16. That was awhile ago. I am thinking this week I might revisit the challenge.
Join me if you dare.
S.
Burned Bridge Ahead. Watch for Falling Ash.
June 8th, 2010 by stephanie
Have you ever watched someone throw a tantrum? Maybe you have a tendency to burst out yourself. Most of us at one point or another have had the um…pleasure?
Maybe you have recently been on the receiving end of someone’s temper. Those moments, along with the people who inflict them, usually wreak havoc on whoever is in the room. When a person loses their cool, they leave a path of destruction before storming off– supposedly never to be seen or heard from again. I have found it interesting however, that Ironically, without fail, they come back! After repeated incidences, where we observe them acting out, then taking their marbles and going home, you’d think they’d finally make good on their promise and stay away. But nooooo. They usually return–just like the tide.
The amazing thing to me, is the “how” they return. Out of the blue, they reappear. Usually unannounced. All happy and ready to start fresh. As if nothing ever happened. And you and I are supposed to play along. Smile. Make nice. One thought here: Elephant in the room!
Strange.
I always wonder what goes on in the minds of these people. I wonder if it even dawns on them that they have hurt anyone that is in their radius. But when I think about it, I don’t think they really care. Or, at least, I don’t think they can care. You can’t act like that and care about anyone other than yourself. Stranger still, they seem to generally rationalize their behavior. I guess they want you and I to just “accept” the fact that they are supposedly “passionate”, emotional people? It’s all good– in their minds. Whatever…
A friend of mine admitted to me that she has been known to throw tantrums. She confided in me that the times she has “acted out” in life were the times she didn’t really know how to properly act during a crisis. Her ugly behavior was her way of trying to get people’s attention. To let them know that she was deeply hurting and needed help. Very understandable. I can appreciate that. But it doesn’t make it the best plan of action. Either for the person throwing the fiery arts or for those left to brush off the ashes.
So, what is one to do when we encounter those who, after the storm has blown over and we have forgotten all about them, drag back in like the dog? I guess the best response might be this–no response at all. They will continue to be who they are. They don’t necessarily see the need or a reason to change. Therefore, it is not our job (nor are we truly able) to “fix” them or the problems that come with them.
Perhaps, the best thing to do is to simply smile and go about our business. And perhaps a bit of healthy distance wouldn’t hurt. These folks will continue to burn bridges. You and I might as well stand back and watch the smoke from afar. Remember, where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And no one likes to get burned.
Just my thoughts.
S.
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