Everyday Thoughts for Your
Everyday Life.
The Challenge Continues…
September 7th, 2010 by stephanie
Ok. So, has anyone commented on how polite, or kind or “civil” you’ve been of late? We’re glad you’re back. If you’re joining us for the first time, we are continuing our George Washington Challenge. This week we begin with rules 40-49 of the Rules of Civility. You know the drill. Pick one. Work on it this week. And impress your world!
40th Strive not with your Superiors in argument, but always Submit your Judgment to others with Modesty.
41st Undertake not to Teach your equal in the art himself Professes; it Savours of arrogance.
42nd Let thy ceremonies in Courtesy be proper to the Dignity of his place with whom thou converses for it is absurd to act the same with a Clown and a Prince.
43rd Do not express Joy before one sick or in pain for that contrary Passion will aggravate his Misery. [When a person does their best and fails, do not criticize him.]
44th When a man does all he can though it Succeeds not well blame not him that did it. [When you must give advice or criticism, consider the timing, whether it should be given in public or private, the manner and above all be gentle.]
45th Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in public or in Private; presently, or at Some other time in what terms to do it & in reproving Show no Sign of Cholar but do it with all Sweetness and Mildness. [If you are corrected, take it without argument. If you were wrongly judged, correct it later.]
46th Take all Admonitions thankfully in what Time or Place Soever given but afterwards not being culpable take a Time & Place convenient to let him him know it that gave them. [Do not make fun of anything important to others.]
47th Mock not nor Jest at any thing of Importance break [n]o Jest that are Sharp Biting and if you Deliver any thing witty and Pleasant abstain from Laughing thereat yourself.
If you criticize someone else of something, make sure you are not guilty of it yourself. Actions speak louder than words.
48th Wherein you reprove Another be unblameable yourself; for example is more prevalent than Precepts.
49th Use no Reproachful Language against any one neither Curse nor Revile.
Proud of you! Hang in there…and we’ll all get really polite in the process together.
Just my thoughts.
S.
Do the Rules Apply?
August 30th, 2010 by stephanie
Ok, so you’re not off the hook yet. If you’ve been with us, we are working through George Washington’s 110 Rules of Civility. Now, the goal is, pick one, and work on it for the next few days. Think about it: this exercise in bettering ourselves can’t do us anything but a bit of good. I hope you are enjoying this adventure. I know that I am. We are on 31-39!
Cheers!
31st If any one far Surpasses others, either in age, Estate, or Merit yet would give Place to a meaner than himself in his own lodging or elsewhere the one ought not to except it, So he on the other part should not use much earnestness nor offer it above once or twice.
32nd To one that is your equal, or not much inferior you are to give the chief Place in your Lodging and he to who ‘is offered ought at the first to refuse it but at the Second to accept though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness.
33rd They that are in Dignity or in office have in all places Precedency but whilst they are Young they ought to respect those that are their equals in Birth or other Qualities, though they have no Public charge.
34th It is good Manners to prefer them to whom we Speak before ourselves especially if they be above us with whom in no Sort we ought to begin.
35th Let your Discourse with Men of Business be Short and Comprehensive. [When you speak, be concise].
36th Artificers & Persons of low Degree ought not to use many ceremonies to Lords, or Others of high Degree but Respect and highly Honor them, and those of high Degree ought to treat them with affability & Courtesy, without Arrogance.
37th In speaking to men of Quality do not lean nor Look them full in the Face, nor approach too near them at lest Keep a full Pace from them.
38th In visiting the Sick, do not Presently play the Physician if you be not Knowing therein.
39th In writing or Speaking, give to every Person his due Title According to his Degree & the Custom of the Place.
I know. It’s even an exercise in vocabulary! But think how smart and civil we will all be by 110.
Just my thoughts.
Yours?
S.
The Challenge Continues: Rules 21-30
August 24th, 2010 by stephanie
Ok. So be honest. How are you doing? Have you picked one “rule” each new blog to work on for those days? Well, if you haven’t there’s still time. Take a look at this next grouping. Remember: There are 110!!!
Pick one. And work on it for the next couple of days. Then come back, and pick a new one! Go get ‘em!
| 21st | Reproach none for the Infirmities of Nature, nor Delight to Put them that have in mind thereof. | ||
| 22nd | Show not yourself glad at the Misfortune of another though he were your enemy. | ||
| 23rd | When you see a Crime punished, you may be inwardly Pleased; but always show Pity to the Suffering Offender. | ||
| Don’t draw attention to yourself. | 24th | Do not laugh too loud or too much at any Public Spectacle. | |
| 25th | Superfluous Complements and all Affectation of Ceremony are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected. | ||
| 26th | In Pulling off your Hat to Persons of Distinction, as Noblemen, Justices, Churchmen &c make a Reverence, bowing more or less according to the Custom of the Better Bred, and Quality of the Person. Amongst your equals expect not always that they Should begin with you first, but to Pull off the Hat when there is no need is Affectation, in the Manner of Saluting and resaluting in words keep to the most usual Custom. | ||
| 27th | Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered as well as not to do it to whom it’s due Likewise he that makes too much haste to Put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to Put it on at the first, or at most the Second time of being asked; now what is herein Spoken, of Qualification in behavior in Saluting, ought also to be observed in taking of Place, and Sitting down for ceremonies without Bounds is troublesome. | ||
| 28th | If any one come to Speak to you while you are are Sitting Stand up though he be your Inferior, and when you Present Seats let it be to every one according to his Degree. | ||
| 29th | When you meet with one of Greater Quality than yourself, Stop, and retire especially if it be at a Door or any Straight place to give way for him to Pass. | ||
| 30th | In walking the highest Place in most Countries Seems to be on the right hand therefore Place yourself on the left of him whom you desire to Honor: but if three walk together the middest Place is the most Honorable the wall is usually given to the most worthy if two walk together. |
Ok. So, Just How Civil Are You?
August 12th, 2010 by stephanie
It was the cutest, thin, red book. I loved it. But I can’t find it anywhere. Doesn’t that just get you when that happens. This little gem was something truly valued. Yet, now, nowhere to be found. And just what was that special gem you ask? It was my very own personal copy of what has become known as Washington’s 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation.
Now, granted, he didn’t invent these. But how many 16 years-olds do you know that actually take the time to copy by hand this type of information, carry it around, and practice the advice? Sadly, I doubt there are many.
Some of you may have forgotten that these rules were actually composed by French Jesuits in 1595. And others of you may be witnessing them for the very first time. With that, let’s begin our next venture: to take a gander at all of them over the next few weeks. Here’s your first grouping. See if you can’t work on one, or two, or…
The Rules:
1st Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present. [Treat everyone with respect.]
2nd When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usually Discovered.
[Be considerate of others. Do not embarrass others.]
3rd Show Nothing to your Friend that may affright him.
4th In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet.
5th If You Cough, Sneeze, Sigh, or Yawn, do it not Loud but Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put Your handkerchief or Hand before your face and turn aside.
6th Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.
7th Put not off your Cloths in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Dressed.
8th At Play and at Fire its Good manners to Give Place to the last Commer, and affect not to Speak Louder than Ordinary.
9th Spit not in the Fire, nor Stoop low before it neither Put your Hands into the Flames to warm them, nor Set your Feet upon the Fire especially if there be meat before it.
10th When you Sit down, Keep your Feet firm and Even, without putting one on the other or Crossing them.
Come back soon. Our series continues! And who knows, we all might be a bit more civil by the time we’ve finished!
Just my thoughts.
S.
One Lump, or Two?
August 3rd, 2010 by stephanie
As I poured my cup of coffee from the large urn that sat on the white cloth covered table outside the sanctuary doors, I suddenly realized there was a line for the cream and sugar.
A line? How hard can it be to add cream and sugar I thought?
Apparently, harder than one might imagine. The person in front of me must have gone to tech school or, at least, he definitely took chemistry. Each container and packet was carefully opened. One at a time. Then each was methodically stirred into the hot ever-changing brew.
As the steam seeped over his shoulder, his hunched back only showed the intense form with which he utilized to maintain the concentration needed for this very special and precise formula.
At this point? I was ready to tap his knees lightly from behind which would cause him to fold, then, I could elbow him to my left, slosh some cream into my cup and slip out the side door. But no. I was at church. I would have to behave.
Not an easy task when all you want is your cup of joe, and the guy in front of you has some Emeril Lagasse complex. It was painful to say the least.
Call me crazy, but when people get to the cream and sugar station, something strange overtakes them. Have you ever noticed that they suddenly forget that anyone else is in the building, let alone the vicinity? They measure and pour and stir. Then consider, and begin the entire process again while 28 of us behind them frantically check our watches (or cell or PDAs) and lament how we’re ever going to get back on schedule.
These coffee snobs are just not polite. And I am thinking I might start a Hey, there’s a boat load of us behind you. Get it together and move on campaign. (Do you think that might be a bit over the top?) Those of you who frequent your favorite coffee dispensary or cafe’ totally understand this personal angst.
Just my thoughts on this very nice day, when my elixir of the gods is getting cold while the unsuspecting space cadet in front of me gets the perfect color and taste combination as I patiently wait contemplating whether or not I’d personally be happy to offer him one lump or two. (Whew! Got that off my chest.)
Let’s just keep this little rant of mine between us today, shall we?
S.
The 24-Hour Challenge. Up for it?
July 20th, 2010 by stephanie
As the yoga instructor guided us through our final relaxation exercise, she wrapped up the session with the following challenge, “Try this. For the next 24 hours see if you can only think and speak positive.” Funny. I had done yoga for about 3 years, and I can’t say I remember that kind of homework before.
My brain froze for a moment and focused on the discipline it would take should I be willing to embrace and attempt the task. “Gosh,” I thought, “Is that even possible?” But I thought it was worth the attempt.
My mind wandered off to a verse in the Bible. It’s found in Colossians 4:6 and it goes like this: Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. It’s something I have strived for since I was a teen-ager. But it truth be told? I usually fall short.
Here’s another one to ponder: The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart. Lk. 6:45.
And if you like ancient Proverbs, this one usually does the trick: Prov. 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
As the instructor brought us back to her world with the “Ok…it’s time to go, folks.” I rolled up my mat and picked up the routine I’d left off at the door. My first stop that night was to pick up a prescription. When I got to the counter I was informed that they had put it back in stock. Apparently, I had not come for it soon enough, and so it was returned. To top that off, the prescription, I learned, had now expired. I was duly informed that I would not be receiving any of my meds anytime soon. Great.
I am pleased to report I kept my cool. I mean hey, it was my fault after all. I ordered the stuff then forgot to go and get it. Not their error. Lesson learned.
I slept 8 of those 24 hours. But I can honestly say that happy thoughts and words filled the other 16. That was awhile ago. I am thinking this week I might revisit the challenge.
Join me if you dare.
S.
Burned Bridge Ahead. Watch for Falling Ash.
June 8th, 2010 by stephanie
Have you ever watched someone throw a tantrum? Maybe you have a tendency to burst out yourself. Most of us at one point or another have had the um…pleasure?
Maybe you have recently been on the receiving end of someone’s temper. Those moments, along with the people who inflict them, usually wreak havoc on whoever is in the room. When a person loses their cool, they leave a path of destruction before storming off– supposedly never to be seen or heard from again. I have found it interesting however, that Ironically, without fail, they come back! After repeated incidences, where we observe them acting out, then taking their marbles and going home, you’d think they’d finally make good on their promise and stay away. But nooooo. They usually return–just like the tide.
The amazing thing to me, is the “how” they return. Out of the blue, they reappear. Usually unannounced. All happy and ready to start fresh. As if nothing ever happened. And you and I are supposed to play along. Smile. Make nice. One thought here: Elephant in the room!
Strange.
I always wonder what goes on in the minds of these people. I wonder if it even dawns on them that they have hurt anyone that is in their radius. But when I think about it, I don’t think they really care. Or, at least, I don’t think they can care. You can’t act like that and care about anyone other than yourself. Stranger still, they seem to generally rationalize their behavior. I guess they want you and I to just “accept” the fact that they are supposedly “passionate”, emotional people? It’s all good– in their minds. Whatever…
A friend of mine admitted to me that she has been known to throw tantrums. She confided in me that the times she has “acted out” in life were the times she didn’t really know how to properly act during a crisis. Her ugly behavior was her way of trying to get people’s attention. To let them know that she was deeply hurting and needed help. Very understandable. I can appreciate that. But it doesn’t make it the best plan of action. Either for the person throwing the fiery arts or for those left to brush off the ashes.
So, what is one to do when we encounter those who, after the storm has blown over and we have forgotten all about them, drag back in like the dog? I guess the best response might be this–no response at all. They will continue to be who they are. They don’t necessarily see the need or a reason to change. Therefore, it is not our job (nor are we truly able) to “fix” them or the problems that come with them.
Perhaps, the best thing to do is to simply smile and go about our business. And perhaps a bit of healthy distance wouldn’t hurt. These folks will continue to burn bridges. You and I might as well stand back and watch the smoke from afar. Remember, where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And no one likes to get burned.
Just my thoughts.
S.
Welcome: Tennessee Mornings Viewers!
June 1st, 2010 by stephanie
As some of you may know, I was scheduled to be on the show Tennessee Mornings the week of the 2010 Nashville Flood. The FOX 17 studios were filling up with water that week, so naturally, the interview was postponed. Since that time, the Solo Sister’s Relief Fund was begun.
[Click here for interview clip]
If you are familiar with my book: When You Grow Up and Get…Single, there is an entire section in the book dedicated to life crises and the Single Girl. It’s titled: “When Life Happens”. That section talks about the importance for single gals to have a support system in place when the storms of life come their way.
Having personally seen friends of mine lose homes and cars, it was obvious that something needed to be done. With that, I started the Solo Sisters Relief Fund. Research showed that the #1 need for folks in this time of crises was simple: Cash.
If you would like to assist these single gals, who work full time and are trying to put their lives back together in their spare time, we’d love for you to be a part. Just CLICK HERE to make your donation today. Thank you for helping them get back back on their feet. They will be most grateful, I have no doubt.
We so hope you were able to catch their show today. If you did, you probably enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed the experience. WE LOVE KELLY AND SHANE. There were not only hospitable, they are GREAT hosts!
Welcome!
If this is your first time to visit the site, please take a few moments to click around on the tabs above.
and if you missed the WSMV BETTER NASHVILLE interview click here!
At this website you will find:
- Stephanie’s Blog
- Information about the Chix Chat Club (Join us on Facebook)- Click Here
- A Store where you can buy Stephanie’s Book: When You Grow Up & Get…Single – Click here
- Music from Stephanie – click here!
- A Chix Chat Club Store click here
- Join us on Twitter! Click Here
As a special offer for you viewers, and guests today, here’s a link to the first 9 chapters of Stephanie’s book. For your viewing pleasure. We hope you enjoy!
Click Here for sample!
Stephanie was honored to have the opportunity to be a brief part of Tennessee Mornings. Hope you enjoyed it!
C U Soon!
Talented Teen Rocks It for all Time.
May 26th, 2010 by stephanie
At the age of 16, she was left behind to run not one, but three plantations! She was born in Antigua in the West Indies in 1722, attended a finishing school in England where she learned French, music and other studies “suitable” for women in those days. Not the kind of training that would prepare her for the bontanical and entreprenuerial life that lay ahead of her.
The family moved to a farming area just outside the quaint Charleston in South Carolina. Sadly, her mother died shortly after. If that wasn’t enough, Eliza Lucas Pinckney was informed by her father, a British Miliatry officer, that he would be returning to the Caribbean. The young teen, on the other hand, would be left behind to manage her siblings and run the three family farms!
But this girl was anything but intimidated. In her “spare time” on the farms, she began to notice that the growing textile industry was creating world markets for new dyes. Not one to be left out, she began experimenting with and growing her own indigo plants with big export plans for their lovely, coveted blue dye. In 1745, she had a taste of success managing to ship 5,000 pounds. Eliza, however, had big vision. She wanted the crop to benefit her neighbors too. So, she shared her plants, and within two years time 130,000 pounds of Indigo shipped out of Charleston. (A few years later, the number hit well over 1,000,000 pounds).
Indigo was the new hot commodity. It quickly became the #2 cash crop (right behind rice- as cotton came later). And Eliza kept going. She experimented with other crops, too. Another pet project was a large fig orchard. The plan was to export dried figs too. After that, she moved on to flax, hemp and silk, all before she was 22!
That’s when she finally married Charles Pinckney. He was a politician that traveled frequently who was thrilled by and supported Eliza’s every endeavor. Within five years of marrying Charles, she had four children.
The new babies prompted her move into early childhood education where one new theory caught her eye. It was called, the “tabula rasa”. John Locke was the man behind that movement and it went like this: a person’s mind at birth is a blank slate upon which personal experiences create an impression. Eliza poured those concepts into the raising of her sons who went on to play major roles in the American Revolution and America’s new government.
The British raided her property during the War of Independence leaving her ruined financially.
It didn’t matter. When she died in 1793, President George Washington requested to be one of the pallbearers at her funeral.
If you’re ever in Philadelphia, be sure to stop by St. Peter’s Churchyard. Look for her tombstone. It reads:
“Eliza Lucas Pinckney, 1722-1793, lies buried in unmarked grave. Mother of Two S.C. signers of Declaration of Independence.”
Not a lot about her on that marker, but then, who really reads or remembers your stone. They recall and talk about your accomplishments and your contribution to society. And I’d say, she rocked it on both of those accounts.
Just my thoughts. Yours?
S.
How Do You Handle a “Bully?”
May 18th, 2010 by stephanie
The frustrated individual sitting across from me was fuming by the erratic behavior of a caller that had just left them a message. “Ok, what do you do with a bully?” I asked. Hoping to calm them a bit and help them regain their composure if not perspective.
To be honest, I was recalling a particular person in my life that in truth is–a bully. During a recent gathering, I was a bit forward and held my ground when this particular person came at me in front of a room of people. In my opinion, I think they were surprised by my firm response. And I hope I sent a clear message. One that said: You don’t need to be rude and you need to check your facts before you bite!
Shortly after that incident, I came across a story that I found in a newsletter
It went something like this.
Back in the 1970s, crime had gotten so out of hand in New York City, that people actually began posting “No Radio” signs in their cars to ward off vandals. Mayor Rudy Giuliani and his Commissioner William Bratton finally declared that they had had enough. And when they came across the “Broken Windows” theory, they knew they’d found their plan of action.
The Broken Windows theory simply states that if a building has a broken window that is not fixed, the message is sent that no one cares. Vandals believe there will be no consequences for their bad behavior, and, worse behavior follows.
However, once the broken window is fixed, it sends a clear message that someone cares about their community and that people are watching, which deters crime.
Acting on the Broken Windows theory, Giuliani and Bratton transformed New York from one of the most dangerous cities in America to the safest big city in the country. How? Simpy by treating minor crimes like vandalism, prostitution, and loitering like broken windows.
They deployed police to where they were most needed and, instead of tolerating these crimes and showing weakness to criminals the police showed strength. They instituted a “zero tolerance” policy for so-called minor crimes.
As criminals saw what was going on, crime slowed to an almost frozen pace. Citizens and tourists felt safer walking the streets and taking the subway and they took more responsibility for their neighborhoods and helped make them safer in return.
By restoring order to the streets police didn’t have to spend all their time responding to crime. Their show of strength inspired citizens to take care of their own communities which deterred criminals from committing crimes in the first place.
So, the moral of the story is. Sit back, and the weeds will grow, and the vandals will come. Stand up, take action and keep order, and your part of the world can become a much better and safer place.
Just my thoughts. And, a bit from Proverbs too.
S.
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