Everyday Thoughts for Your
Everyday Life.
Geo. Washington’s Rules of Civility: 11-20
August 15th, 2010 by stephanie
Our series continues. For today…here are rules 11-20. Which one will you work on this week? :)
11th Shift not yourself in the Sight of others nor Gnaw your nails.
12th Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs rowl not the Eys lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by approaching too near him when you Speak.
13th Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice ticks &c in the Sight of Others, if you See any filth or thick Spittle put your foot Dexteriously upon it if it be upon the Cloths of your Companions, Put it off privately, and if it be upon your own Cloths return Thanks to him who puts it off.
14th Turn not your Back to others especially in Speaking, Jog not the Table or Desk on which Another reads or writes, lean not upon any one.
15th Keep your Nails clean and Short, also your Hands and Teeth Clean yet without Shewing any great Concern for them.
16th Do not Puff up the Cheeks, Loll not out the tongue rub the Hands, or beard, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the Lips too open or too Close.
17th Be no Flatterer, neither Play with any that delights not to be Play’d Withal.
18th Read no Letters, Books, or Papers in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave: come not near the Books or Writings of Another so as to read them unless desired or give your opinion of them unask’d also look not nigh when another is writing a Letter.
19th let your Countenance be pleasant but in Serious Matters Somewhat grave.
20th The Gestures of the Body must be Suited to the discourse you are upon.
Burned Bridge Ahead. Watch for Falling Ash.
June 8th, 2010 by stephanie
Have you ever watched someone throw a tantrum? Maybe you have a tendency to burst out yourself. Most of us at one point or another have had the um…pleasure?
Maybe you have recently been on the receiving end of someone’s temper. Those moments, along with the people who inflict them, usually wreak havoc on whoever is in the room. When a person loses their cool, they leave a path of destruction before storming off– supposedly never to be seen or heard from again. I have found it interesting however, that Ironically, without fail, they come back! After repeated incidences, where we observe them acting out, then taking their marbles and going home, you’d think they’d finally make good on their promise and stay away. But nooooo. They usually return–just like the tide.
The amazing thing to me, is the “how” they return. Out of the blue, they reappear. Usually unannounced. All happy and ready to start fresh. As if nothing ever happened. And you and I are supposed to play along. Smile. Make nice. One thought here: Elephant in the room!
Strange.
I always wonder what goes on in the minds of these people. I wonder if it even dawns on them that they have hurt anyone that is in their radius. But when I think about it, I don’t think they really care. Or, at least, I don’t think they can care. You can’t act like that and care about anyone other than yourself. Stranger still, they seem to generally rationalize their behavior. I guess they want you and I to just “accept” the fact that they are supposedly “passionate”, emotional people? It’s all good– in their minds. Whatever…
A friend of mine admitted to me that she has been known to throw tantrums. She confided in me that the times she has “acted out” in life were the times she didn’t really know how to properly act during a crisis. Her ugly behavior was her way of trying to get people’s attention. To let them know that she was deeply hurting and needed help. Very understandable. I can appreciate that. But it doesn’t make it the best plan of action. Either for the person throwing the fiery arts or for those left to brush off the ashes.
So, what is one to do when we encounter those who, after the storm has blown over and we have forgotten all about them, drag back in like the dog? I guess the best response might be this–no response at all. They will continue to be who they are. They don’t necessarily see the need or a reason to change. Therefore, it is not our job (nor are we truly able) to “fix” them or the problems that come with them.
Perhaps, the best thing to do is to simply smile and go about our business. And perhaps a bit of healthy distance wouldn’t hurt. These folks will continue to burn bridges. You and I might as well stand back and watch the smoke from afar. Remember, where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And no one likes to get burned.
Just my thoughts.
S.
How Do You Handle a “Bully?”
May 18th, 2010 by stephanie
The frustrated individual sitting across from me was fuming by the erratic behavior of a caller that had just left them a message. “Ok, what do you do with a bully?” I asked. Hoping to calm them a bit and help them regain their composure if not perspective.
To be honest, I was recalling a particular person in my life that in truth is–a bully. During a recent gathering, I was a bit forward and held my ground when this particular person came at me in front of a room of people. In my opinion, I think they were surprised by my firm response. And I hope I sent a clear message. One that said: You don’t need to be rude and you need to check your facts before you bite!
Shortly after that incident, I came across a story that I found in a newsletter
It went something like this.
Back in the 1970s, crime had gotten so out of hand in New York City, that people actually began posting “No Radio” signs in their cars to ward off vandals. Mayor Rudy Giuliani and his Commissioner William Bratton finally declared that they had had enough. And when they came across the “Broken Windows” theory, they knew they’d found their plan of action.
The Broken Windows theory simply states that if a building has a broken window that is not fixed, the message is sent that no one cares. Vandals believe there will be no consequences for their bad behavior, and, worse behavior follows.
However, once the broken window is fixed, it sends a clear message that someone cares about their community and that people are watching, which deters crime.
Acting on the Broken Windows theory, Giuliani and Bratton transformed New York from one of the most dangerous cities in America to the safest big city in the country. How? Simpy by treating minor crimes like vandalism, prostitution, and loitering like broken windows.
They deployed police to where they were most needed and, instead of tolerating these crimes and showing weakness to criminals the police showed strength. They instituted a “zero tolerance” policy for so-called minor crimes.
As criminals saw what was going on, crime slowed to an almost frozen pace. Citizens and tourists felt safer walking the streets and taking the subway and they took more responsibility for their neighborhoods and helped make them safer in return.
By restoring order to the streets police didn’t have to spend all their time responding to crime. Their show of strength inspired citizens to take care of their own communities which deterred criminals from committing crimes in the first place.
So, the moral of the story is. Sit back, and the weeds will grow, and the vandals will come. Stand up, take action and keep order, and your part of the world can become a much better and safer place.
Just my thoughts. And, a bit from Proverbs too.
S.
The Best Laid Plans of Ice and Men.
February 18th, 2010 by stephanie
The Olympic flame hadn’t even been lit. As the news poured across the wires, the world sat stunned. A 19-year old athlete, whose father had been a medal-winning olympian for the old Soviet Union, was gone. A horrible crash during a practice run on the Luge track had taken his young life. Shock ensued. Was it an eerie omen?
That same night, one of the four caldrons, that were set to light the Olympic flame during the Opening Ceremonies, malfuntioned. Wayne Gretsky, the great one, waited, wondering what move to make next.
The Outdoor Olympic Flame had issues too. At a press conference, a Canadian TV reporter inquired as to why the flame had been placed behind “a ratty-looking prison-camp fence.” Apparently, the Globe and Mail newspapers chimed in and referred to the new Olympic city as old Berlin.
If you aren’t aware, the flame is a pretty big deal. People come from all over the world to experience it. A spokeswoman for the organizing committee responded to the public fury and outcry, ” Perhaps we did underestimate the degree to which people would want to get close to it.”
The local paper addressed the head of the Vancouver Games: “Mr. Furlong, tear down this fence!”
But there was more.
20,000 standing-room only tickets for the snowboarding venue had to be voided. Fans had fallen between the bales of hay under the melting layers of “trucked-in” snow. They were assured refunds. But those who made the trek up the mountain anyway to see events, were met with blinding snow.
The Winter venue was taking quite a ribbing: “Welcome to the Vancouver Summer Olympics”.
Timing issues hit the biathlon events. A Swedish woman was held up at her start gate for 14 seconds, while two of the men started too early.
The word “incompetence” began echoing throughout the valleys below.
The competition schedule wasn’t fairing any better:
– The Men’s Super-Combined, in the mountains at Whistler, was postponed due to an overnight snowstorm.
– The Snowboardcross Finals were rescheduled as well.
– Women’s Downhill training, which had been postponed repeatedly earlier in the Olympics due to wet weather that ruined the snow–was canceled. Each day of delayed training gave multimedal favorite Lindsey Vonn, who had badly bruised her right shin on 2/5/10, time enough to heal. But for everyone else, the delays wore thin.
It didn’t stop there.
At the Luge Track, a spigot went off, spraying a section near the finish. The German racer waited two minutes before she was finally able to take her run.
At the speedskating venue, the resurfacing machine malfunctioned and left the ice in piles of slush and full of dips with water. A replacement Zamboni, specifically designed for the size of a speedskating oval, had to be hauled in from an entire province over in Calgary.
Then, during a free concert, a barricade collapsed sending nine people to the hospital. The concert was called off as well as the fireworks display.
All this, and it was only Day 5!!!
Vancouver landed the honor of becoming an Olympics venue years ago. Planning and preparation had been in the works for many, many months. But try as they might, things happen. Sometimes, the very people and places we count on just don’t come through as we hoped for or planned.
In fairness, it’s not just these ill-fated Winter Olympics of 2010 that experience trials and tribulation. You and I too, may have the best of intentions. We work earnestly for months, if not years, only to, at times, have the best laid plans fall at our feet like a shattered crystal goblet.
Should we plan? Yes. Work? You bet. Sometimes, however, our own personal efforts just aren’t enough. Outside factors intrude and we’re left holding the bag. We need to realize that life happens. And when it does, all will be watching to see what we do with the pieces. No matter who is at fault. Who we truly are will be known to all as they watch us either rise from the proverbial ashes or crawl under the pile of glass and cry.
It reminds me of a verse from the book of James: “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit’. You do not know what your life will be like tomorrow…”
Just my thoughts.
S.
Valentines. The Day of Hearts/Expectations is upon Us.
February 9th, 2010 by stephanie
Well, ’tis the season. This is the week that all good people are encouraged, no, let’s face it, expected, to focus on the following:
-Cards
-Chocolate
-Flowers
-Hearts
-Sentiment
-Perhaps Dinner Out
-Perhaps a Gift
It all depends on who is in our lives as we approach this holiday of the heart.
MEN:
If there is a special lady in your life, may I suggest that you have something planned. Even if it’s recession-friendly. So you can’t do the 5-Star restaurant this year. Not to worry. A nice cozy, in-expensive place will do. Just make sure it’s a good place where you can “chat”. SHE will want to “talk” even if you feel you have nothing to say. Brush up on a bit of celebrity gossip. (Some gal at work can provide you a few talking points.) Maybe check out a few hit songs of late. And anything else your “girl” is interested in. See if you can’t get a bit of scoop in advance. Or, default to what you did this week. Yes. What you did.
LADIES:
I know this may be a tough one, but for the good of the order: Don’t expect too much. It just isn’t necessary and it doesn’t make love, well…love. Love is about who the two of you are when you’re together. A good match. Hopefully. So, let him have his night and do as best he can and then have the grace to praise him for it.
CALLING ALL SINGLES!
Ok, this is where we don’t cry over spilt milk. Statistics show that unfortunately, most couples this coming Sunday just might not have that great of a time. Some will squabble. Others’ expectations will not be met and they may end up a bit dismayed. And, well, things happen.
Now, we all know some will have a fab time, and you know GOOD for them. Let’s all be adults and cheer them on.
But for you dear savvy, single friend, this is your night to enjoy those in your life that truly are there for you when the chips are down. Speaking of chips, grab a few of your favorite bags and a couple of movies you’ve been wanting to see and call those extra special friends over for some good ‘ol “friend” time.
Or, if you’re like me, hitting that favorite hole-in-the-wall Mexican place with your favorite pals is a must-do.
Whatever the case this year, here are my highly overrated tips for you:
1. Make plans now. They don’t have to be grand. Just make them.
2. Pick your absolute favorite person or pals plural.
3. Do something you really love to do and ask them, today, to join you.
Pretty simple. And with that, we should all have a very happy Valentine’s Day.
PS: Guys, Valentines Day is this Sunday.
Just my thoughts.
S.
Silence is Golden.
February 3rd, 2010 by stephanie
Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted…
I can’t find the source to that quote, but I sure like it.
I am often amazed at the power of silence. A power I truly wish I fully understood and harnessed. But alas, my words usually find their way out into the world as we know it.
Do you ever notice that when someone sits silent, we have this tendency to think they might just know something we don’t know? It’s like they are holding in some grand secret that will be disclosed at the proper place and time. And we await with baited breath.
On the other side of that coin, however, is the person who, whatever comes into their mind exits their mouth. Those folks don’t always realize it, but on many occasions, the expression of their thoughts is duly dismissed by their hearers.
How many times have I heard that little voice deep in my heart warn me, “Keep it to yourself.” But, alas, my pride or whatever it is at the moment gets the best of me.
It you are just dying to say something today, but that warning system seems to quietly be beeping down inside, might I suggest, “Save it.” For a better time. A better place.
There’s an ancient proverb or two that backs up that tidbit of advice for today. See what you think:
Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips he is considered prudent. Proverbs 17:28
I like this one too:
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; a time to be silent and a time to speak. Ecclesiastes 3:7
Just my thoughts, well, and again, my words…
S.
What does “You’re Kidding” have to do with goats?
January 21st, 2010 by stephanie
While perusing a blog that was chatting up Christmas in the Pacific Northwest it surprised me when the writer took a turn in subject and started talking about his herd of goats.
Apparently, a guest to his home had noticed that one of this writer’s female goats (called a doe) was about to give birth and began to inquire as to when the time of “baby goat ’s” arrival might occur. I came to a complete halt in my reading when the blogger responded that his she-goat “would be kidding” in a few months.
Then, it hit me. “When, and where, on earth did we take a phrase that refers to goats giving birth and apply it to making sport, or joking?” I had to know. So, off to the google world I went.
Apparently, what I found most was the comparison that read: “If you have ever seen young goats playing, you may understand why.” hmmmmmm
We had a goat when I was a little girl during the time we lived in Quartz Hill, CA. His name was Chocolate Hunt. He used to butt me off the picnic table my mom would place me on as she hung up the laundry outside on the line to dry. But I digress…
How did we get from human children playing like goats to joking? In 1811 to kid meant “to coax, hoax or humbug” in thieves’ slang, and by 1839 it had softened a bit (and expanded from the circle of thieves) to mean “tease playfully, talk jokingly”.
Whatever the true origins, I had trouble tracking them down. And if you know them, please let us know! One thing I do know, today we simply say something we really mean and then quickly follow it with “I was just joking!” or, “Can’t you take a joke?” or the “Just kidding!” Sometimes, we really are kidding, and sometimes, the receiver of the joke understands that. But that is not always the case. And we do need to be aware of that reality.
It suddenly occurred to me, that you can actually find this topic addressed in the Scriptures. The Bible. I list them here.
Gen. 19:14 ¶ So Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law, who were pledged to marry his daughters. He said, “Hurry and get out of this place, because the LORD is about to destroy the city!” But his sons-in-law thought he was joking.
Prov. 26:18, 19 ¶ Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor
and says, “I was only joking!”
Eph. 5:4 and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
Funny, but the idea of kidding around and joking have been around awhile. It’s how we handle ourselves during the giving and the receiving that truly matters at the end of the day.
Just my thoughts,
S.
Source: www.coffeeblogger.org
http://www.takeourword.com/TOW199/page2.html
Tebow: Outside the norm, never to conform.
January 13th, 2010 by stephanie
In August of 1987, deep in the Philippines, Bob and Pam Tebow (who were serving as Christian missionaries at the time) were expecting the birth of a baby boy. During her pregnancy, Pam had been diagnosed with a life-threatening infection. Drugs were used to rouse her from the coma she had fallen victim to, and, to treat her dysentery. Those drugs caused the baby inside of her to experience a severe placental abruption. Doctors warned that a stillbirth would be likely and abortion was suggested in order to save her life. She said “No,” however, and carried Timothy to term. Both mother and baby survived.
In time, the Tebows returned to the states and moved to Jacksonville, Florida. Timothy began to show an amazing talent for football, but as a homeshooled child, it appeared his options might be limited. To their surprise, Florida passed a law in the late 90’s allowing students of homeschooling to participate on the team of the local school in the school district in which they live. While the rest of his family continued living on a farm, Tim and his mother moved to town and took up residence that would make him eligible to play for the football team at Nease. His abilities were soon being noticed.
In both his junior and senior years, he was named the state of Florida’s Player of the Year with an amazing memory being that of his finishing of a game on a broken leg. During his senior season he led the Nease Panthers to a state title, earned All-State honors, was named Florida’s Mr. Football and a Parade All-American. Tebow finished his high school career with 9,810 passing yards, 3,186 rushing yards, 95 passing touchdowns and 62 rushing touchdowns.
But there’s more. Not only is he known for painting those now famous Scripture references on his cheekbones for games, he’s been known to turn some heads off the field as well.
He attended the ESPNU College Football Awards recently and had the privilege of walking the red carpet. Take a look at who he invited to take that walk with him. He is definitely a man who not only beats the odds, but goes against the flow and — in style.
Thank you, Tim. For being such a class act in the midst of great talent. May you inspire others to do likewise.
http://www.brittonchurch.com/2009/12/14/you-cant-be-hatin-on-this/
Just my thoughts.
S.
IF YOU CAN’T SAY SOMETHING NICE…
October 3rd, 2009 by stephanie
Most of us will admit, we grew up hearing that statement. If it didn’t come from our mothers it came from some other well meaning soul that wanted to help us along our way.
As we munched on our nachos, I spent the entire time debriefing my Friday. She sat across from me quietly listening, nodding, encouraging. It wasn’t until we decided to walk a bit of the mall and found a resting place that the hurt began to show in her day. In time, it was her turn to spill. As she shared a particular incident, all I could think of was, “Why do people have a need to be ‘mean’?”
Sometimes, it’s not even the saying of anything that hurts –it can be simply the actions. More times than not, I can remember where someone didn’t have to say a word. They were just “rude” or cruel in their behavior. I think you follow me on this one.
I was assisting a friend with a project awhile back. There were some other folks involved and for some reason, they just didn’t seem to like my presence. Rather than explain what the problem was, they decided to just, oddly enough, be rude. It wasn’t the words they chose necessarily as it was the tone, or their body language when they said it.
It’s amazing how people can say something like “Pass the stapler” and make it sound like you just cut them off in traffic, they have to be at their destination in five minutes-and they are still 20 minutes away. It never ceases to amaze me when people in that frame of mind take out their anger on the person in their space and make them feel it is their fault. Strange.
And too, sometimes people seem to have the need to let you know that the color or style of the shirt that you’re wearing, “Just isn’t workin’ for ya today.” Or, that perhaps you might want to rethink that “idea” you had. For whatever reason, they need to let you know, in some way, that you are a bit less, or inferior to them. The thrill of the “jab”, I call it.
I don’t know how their treatment of you and me in those situations makes them feel better, but alas, I guess it does. Someone hurt them, they are still wincing from the pain, and they will make someone pay. And today, that someone will be you-or me.
With that, regardless of the odd-bird whozits or whatzits in your life today, remember this old saying too: misery loves company.
So, don’t keep company with the miserable. Leave them alone. Let them go their way. And as for you and me, my friend, if we can’t say something nice back, let’s just not say anything at all.
Just my thoughts.
Stephanie
Prov. 15:1
When You Don’t See Eye to Eye.
September 29th, 2009 by stephanie
Ever disagree? I have. I wrote this pondersome moment (if that’s even a real phrase) some time back, but due to a particular request, it’s making a reappearance today. The quotes to the side are new. Be sure you check them out. Enjoy.
Being upset and knowing my mother wouldn’t mind if I let off a bit of steam, I let the feelings roll. I was just amazed at how people can be on two totally different pages, and still like each other. But it sure makes for a difficult ride during the relationship. And many times, the argument can even end it.
I don’t know why I was so surprised at the frustration over not seeing eye to eye with a particular individual. It is a very simple premise. That is why wars are fought. You see things one way, I, with my different background and beliefs see things another way. You dig in. I entrench. Shots get fired. And before you know it, the battle rages.
People who want to eradicate war are ignoring a very human reality. One that will never be wiped away. I am not going to change the way you were brought up and how you believe. In turn, it is not very likely that you will change my mind either. What to do, what to do, what to do?
There is a saying I have taken to heart many times over the years. “When in a tug of war, let go of your end.” If you think about it, you will begin to see the wisdom in that statement. If both sides are huffing and puffing and pulling with all their might, and suddenly, one side just “let’s go” what happens? That’s right, the side left with the rope all falls down.
Now, am I saying to just give up, even when you believe deeply about something? No. Am I saying if you get tired of the fight, let go? No. What I am saying is that many times in our lives, some arguments and disagreements simply aren’t worth the fight. Period. Sometimes, one side just needs to let go, accept that the two sides shall never agree, and move on. It’s that easy.
If there is a struggle in your life that you are holding onto. If you deep down know that you are not going to change your way of thinking, and too, you know deep down, the other person is not going to change, then why keep fighting? Neither of you are going to successfully convince the other. Someone has got to let go. It might as well be you. Save your energy for the crises. The real things in life that need your attention and matter.
Just my thoughts,
S.
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